The real pet obsession

So this last sunny Sunday was rather relaxed, as are all the other Sundays in my home. We had guests over who are friends of my parents and whom I hardly know and have little in common with, but I digress. As we were sitting casually outside, all with our chosen drinks in hand, my mind started to wander off with boredom. These people had been talking about their pets for over an hour, I'm not joking.


I snapped back into the conversation when I heard the name of one of my dogs in my mothers enthusiastic voice. Oh no... here I am bored to death because these sweet innocent people adore talking about their pets, and then I realised that my family is just as obsessed with ours. Actually let me rephrase that- we literally consider our dogs to be humans. Which brings me to the fact that a lot of the time people talk about their dogs with other people when there is nothing else to talk about.

I love animals just as much as anyone, but I'm trying to figure out why they come in to conversation so often? Where does our obsession of these little friendly affectionate creatures stem from? I totally thought of doing some statistical research on this but I thought lets rather write a random blog post about it. Here are the indications that you are pet obsessed just like my family and said Sunday lunch guests.

1. You wake up a certain time every morning to fit in with your pets bathroom schedule, because they obviously sleep inside with you at night (sometimes in your bed). What kind of cruel person lets their pets sleep outside? Bitch please! #seewhatididthere

2. You take Cesar Millan the pet whisperer very seriously but seem to not follow a single piece of his advice because your pets kind of run your household like they are Beyonce' or something. Our yorkshire terrier Basil barks at my mother until she puts the dirty plates in the dishwasher after a meal so that he can lick whatever is left on them. Equally disgusting and misogynistic.

3. Lets be honest, who actually gives a damn how cute your dog is when it sleeps (cue multiple photos and videos from mobile phone of dog sleeping).

4. You talk to them all day long with some kind of crazy notion that one day they will actually reply to the question "who's a good boy?" or "do you want a snack?".

5. You have at least 3 humorous pet stories memorized for whenever there is an awkward silence or you simply feel need to talk about them. Expect a lot of nods and pretend enthusiasm from your poor audience.

6. Your pets have an array of interesting names and nicknames, along with a back story as to why and how they were named. If you name your pets after their physical characteristics (spot, blacky, socks, fluffy), I blame you for society's general lack of originality.

7. At any point in time there are remnants of pet hair on your clothing. Not a good look for your public image unfortunately.

8. The same goes for your furniture and belongings at home, whether its the chewed legs of wooden dining room tables from when your dog was once a puppy, to pulled fabric on arm rests from destructive cats. A friend of mine has a dog that immediately bites into a couch pillow as soon as a visitor enters the front door.

9. This is for those who only do this when nobody is there to judge your shameful actions. You don't think twice before inserting something into your mouth that your dog may or may not have licked. I have a confession to make! I was enjoying my favorite fruit chutney chips with sour cream dip (from Woolworths might I add-quality stuff), whilst watching television. As I looked down I saw my dear bulldog Isabella reaching over the table towards the dip. Had she already licked it or was she about to? Who cares, I shall continue eating it because it is DELICIOUS. x