How to avoid people

Whether you would like to admit it or not, you have all had a guilty moment where you really don't want to acknowledge someones existence in public. It could be that annoying family friend that doesn't stop talking when you see them, the ex or the random stranger you hooked up with one time, or simply someone you don't enjoy too much. Don't be ashamed though, I'm here to assist.


There are also those people who simply hate small talk of any kind, whether they are fond of the person or not. I'm personally a fan of small talk. Ill talk about anything from the weather to your sick family member but if I've got stuff to do, let me walk on by.

On the other side of the scale you get the select few who avoid you because they might owe you money, or still have those items of clothing they 'borrowed' from you a year ago. They are what I would like to call the day time criminals, play them at their own game. Here are your options:

Walk into a shop
This is when you recognize someone you want to avoid and suddenly walk into the closest shop before they see you. This obviously only works if you are in a mall or near a shop, and the execution of this move depends on the shop you happen to walk into to avoid someone. For example, if you're a male walking into Foschini it could be slightly detrimental to your rep.

Fake a phone call
This is one of my favorites, not to be confused with simply looking down at your phone because a) you could walk into someone and bring unwanted attention to yourself or b) you can still be confronted by the individual in question. If you are mid phone call, however, you obviously cant be bothered by someone while trying to have an important fake conversation. There is an art to pretending to talk on the phone and it starts with putting your phone on silent beforehand (learn from me).

Avoid eye contact
This is the riskiest of the options because you have placed all reliance on the fact that the other person wants to avoid you just as much as you want to avoid them. If your plan works out it usually makes you feel ironically offended that they didn't attempt to say hello while you were looking purposefully ahead with an unquestionable frown.

Smile and wave
This only succeeds if the person in question doesn't feel the need to have a DMC. Its more polite than the above option, as you are acknowledging them with a smile and a polite wave but you can't stop and chat. To make this move more effective for avoidance just speed up your pace. If it's imperative to follow-up with the wave, say "Sorry I'm in such a rush!". How can anyone argue with that?

Just hide
If there is an extreme avoidance case where you have had little time to consider your options, and the person has not yet seen you (you have to be sure of this) then just hide. Hide against a wall, hide behind a banner or sign, hide behind an actual person if you have to. It will make you feel like you're in a cliche movie which is a thrilling experience. x