While living in Durban I was offered a bar tending position at a local pub from a friend that I had met at varsity. I was very apprehensive at first, but I quickly started becoming familiar with the pub environment, and the weird and wonderful people that frequented it. Only girls were employed, as there were male dominated customers, so we all made friends fast and bonded through our experiences.
In the time that I worked there I found that there is a different side to human nature when it comes to social gatherings that you are just a witness of. There are also so many aspects of an individual that are exposed when money and alcohol is involved. I would like to call this my fake thesis of the bartender becoming the psychologist.
The bar flies
These are the regulars. We know them by name, and we know their drink order off by heart. Their drink is usually waiting on their regular table for them before they even sit down, because heaven forbid you don't see them walking in as they arrive. There was one regular who requested that a bucket full of 6 beers and ice was placed next to his table (every day) so that he didn't have to get up each time to get a beer. I'm not joking. Their tipping potential usually depends on their favourite waitress or bartender, which is the poor girl who can handle all their BS. These guys are either retired, unemployed or have strange work shifts, and they could be in the pub between 2 and 6 hours at a time.
The lonely souls
These are the guys that arrive alone, sit alone and play on their phones or ipads a lot. I have had many a conversation with a guy who recently left his wife, a foreigner who doesn't really know where he is or simply someone who is in a bad place in their lives. These men seek solace in strangers advice and strong drinks, and usually tip really well when you give them emotional support. I remember one guy that I spoke to for a while actually ended up helping me clean up after my shift. So creepy but so helpful.
The rude business men
You can spot these guys from a mile away, with the loud cars, the fancy suits and the smug looks on their faces. They usually order a fancy name brand whiskey or double captain morgan and coke and tell you to 'keep it coming', which means don't ask if they would like another drink, just bring it. These guys are usually the rudest of the lot, and an ass grab or a derogatory comment is definitely expected. Each one is trying to out-do the other with their money, and much banter takes place when the bill comes and the platinum credit cards are waved around.
The hot guys
The job of a female bartender is relatively easy until that extremely rare moment when a group of young good-looking guys walk toward the bar. Its enough to turn the most confident of women to gibberish moosh. They will always order the trendy drink of the moment, and you will try your hardest not to spill or drop anything. They usually don't say much because they are hot, so you just smile and wave and watch them from a distance.
The bad parents
Those who take their children to a pub or bar where people drink more often than they eat are considered bad parents. They are either unaware of the fact that it isn't the appropriate place for children to be (swearing, drunken behaviour, the occasional vom), or they just don't care. Because I love children, I take it upon myself to find a piece of scrap paper and a pen to keep them occupied while the parents have a smoke.
The bachelorette party girls
Other known as 'woo-girls' because of the high-pitched screeches coming from their pink lipsticked mouths. These ladies want everyone to know that they are there, and make sure their outfits are as ridiculous and slutty as possible. They proceed to introduce themselves and the bride-to-be to everyone in the bar, insisting that they buy her a drink cause she's getting married. Their orders are ALWAYS cocktails and shots, and more often than not some of them end up passed out in the bathroom or hanging on some poor stranger, telling them how much they love them.
The worst customer ever
This isn't a group of people, this category of bar creature is unlike the rest, and deserves his own category. He is unpredictable (you never know when he's going to come in), usually middle-aged and completely intolerable. Each pub or bar has this one particular guy, and I would like to call mine Ned. Ned goes to places to purposefully wait for something to complain about, whether the bar food isn't up to his standard, there aren't enough blocks of ice in his wine glass or I didn't serve him fast enough. Just the sight of him would change my mood from happy to suicidal in seconds. On top of his behaviour, he would tip NOTHING, and ask to see the manager about the service. It's enough to make anyone's blood boil, don't be that guy.
Now that I've psychoanalysed every group of pub customers, feel free to decide how accurate you think I am, or add to the list. Oh how I miss being a bartender. x
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