Confessions of an aupair

I was an aupair to two lovely children (lets call them George and Lucy) for a year while I was a student living in Durban. Aupairing in South Africa is convenient for young women such as myself who need part time jobs that fit in with going to lectures and writing exams. I am in no way complaining about the fact that aupairing exists as a job, but I am confused as to why they are necessary. This is my story.


Ok, so lets meet the parents. The dad worked until late at night and travelled a lot, and the mom was a lady of leasure who had a part time book-keeping business from home. Yes you read correctly, from HOME. She was there all the time doing very little, yet she needed me to fetch her children from schools not even 5 minutes away, and look after them for as long as 4 hours a day. Families hiring aupairs obviously have enough money to afford them. The average hourly rate is about R60, not including the petrol costs which are about R3 per kilometre. Depending on the hours an aupair is needed, the monthly earnings for an aupair could be between R2000 and R6000. Live-in aupairs that work full time earn even more. 

While working for my aupair family, I carefully recorded every kilometre that was driven, and every hour that was spent. This was to ensure that by the end of the month, the family could see where the costs where coming from and pay accordingly (well so I thought). On the last day of the month, after following through all my daily activities and packing the kids bags for a field trip the next day, I left the costs spreadsheet (very professionally done if I do say so myself) on the dining room table for her to look through and pay my first salary.

Thinking this was quite a simple procedure, I was surprised to get a phone call that evening from the mom stating that there were discrepancies regarding what she was to pay me. I went in to see her the next day while the kids were away, and she had gone through my spreadsheet with red pen and higlighters, and picked out each cost she didn't agree with. I had to explain my way through the month, reminding her of the time I bought them ice-cream, or the time we went to the park and had to pay entrance. It was humiliating, degrading and unfair. It wouldn't be the last time she did it either, but at least after that I was prepared.

My question is, why would a wealthy woman who lives in a beautiful home in a nice area with a fancy car etc etc want to question the amount she owes me for looking after her own children for a month? She can afford it, so why is it a problem? I can't answer that question, but her motherly guilt could possibly play a part.

Aupairs are seen as a fashion statement for the wealthy parents of the greener suburbs. They fetch your children for you, make them lunch so that you don't have to, play with them and help them with homework. What is left to do as a parent? When I started off as an aupair, I was oblivious to the fact that I was a trend until I heard an interesting conversation taking place when I was watching George playing at a private tennis court. This conversation was between two moms with designer gear from head to toe, freshly manicured nails and salon-finished hair. The picture of first world problems such as Iphone batteries and Yoga injuries. It went as followed:
"Sally I must tell you about our aupair, she has made our lives so much easier!"
"Oh really, what does she do for you?"
"Pretty much everything. Finally I actually get to relax and do what I want. You should get one too, you won't have to get stuck in traffic every afternoon fetching your boys from sport."

I have many problems about the conversation I wasn't supposed to hear. Actually on second thoughts I doubt they cared if I heard them or not. I am talking from the perspective of a woman who doesnt have chidlren, but definately intends to in the future. When I have children, I will make sure that I spend as much time as I possibly can nurturing them, teaching them life lessons and playing with them in the garden. I refuse to accept that any parent wouldn't do the same. Yes, mothers these days have full time jobs. My mom had a full time job while we were growing up, and she still somehow managed to make us meals every day, fetch us from school and be there when we needed her. She is proof that it is possible.

My advice to all parents seeking an aupair because they make your life easier? Remind yourself why you had children in the first place, and prioritise your life properly. These children don't need a stranger to spend time with them and help them with their homework, they need you. x