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I pride myself on my taste in music, which is everything from hip-hop to deep house. One time when I was still an aupair, I thought I would impress the teenage boy I was picking up from school with my brand new car CD with the latest songs on it. While it was playing he asked me politely from the back seat whether I could either change the song or turn on the radio.
In one ego-shattering moment all my faith in the younger generation had diminished. Who doesn't listen to Imagine Dragons? Or Coldplay? Jay-Z? They are lyrical geniuses! I kept this internal rant to myself, and instead asked him what he didn't like about the song. 'I only listen to songs with a drop, and a hardcore tech beat'. Pretending that I knew what that meant, I swiftly switched back to the radio and hung my head in shame the whole way home. Not even my choice of music is cool to a teen anymore.
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I can say with all confidence that my shopping game is strong as ever. I can walk in and out of a mall in a matter of minutes, with my well-chosen fashion forward items sitting neatly in their packets, and a feeling of pure happiness in my heart. Well... a shopping trip with teenage girls is like something out of a cruel nightmare let me tell you! Walking around MRP with two teens as I point out items that I think they should try on was met with countless giggles and eye rolls.
Finally after the third shop, where all they tried on were high-waisted butt shorts and crop tops that covered as much as a bra would, I asked them desperately why they didn't pick up one thing I showed them. 'Sarah no offence, but all you look at is button up shirts and blazers, and we don't wear pencil skirts. That shit is not cool'. So this is who I am now, the girl who buys conservative and functional clothes intended for work or a possible cocktail evening/wedding.
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I forget what it is like to try everything in your power to get your hands on any kind of alcohol available, because at the illegal drinking age of 17 that is all that really matters. Sweet and sugary drinks that are brightly coloured, taste like sunscreen and completely mask the fact that they contain alcohol is a teenagers dream. I shudder at the thought that I ever drank such beverages, and I hope that I never do again. The only enviable thing about being a teenage drinker is that a hangover is pretty much non-existent.
These days I find myself asking for the wine list at a restaurant on ladies night (it gets wild I tell you), and thereafter deciding whether I should have shiraz or merlot-depending on my mood of course. If I dare to have more than three glasses I consider myself well and truly finished for the next day, because the inevitable hangover is something to be feared yet respected. Yup, that is my idea of a good time.
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I was listening to my younger cousin telling me about her boy problems, and how her last boyfriend cheated on her with her friend and now they are no longer friends but she still keeps in contact with the ex-boyfriend (or something to that effect). I couldn't help but say to her 'Don't worry about that stupid guy, its not like you were going to stay together after high school and get married one day or anything. Would you honestly want him to be the father of your children? Genetics are everything'.
She looked at me with what I can only describe as a blank and emotionless expression. It was as if she stopped listening to me as soon as I used the word 'married'. As you get older you start looking for a life partner, not someone to kiss in the movies and walk around the park holding hands with. It is so difficult to give a young girl advice on boys when they still have so much to learn, and SO many mistakes to make.
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The few teenagers that I know and follow on social media absolutely astound me. I was looking at a 15 year old's Instagram feed the other day and besides the countless birds eye view selfies and duck faces, I noticed one extremely infuriating fact- this girl (who is almost a decade younger than me) has an Instagram following of over 2000 people. WHAT?
How does that happen when she spends the majority of her time at school in a classroom? Who are these people? I can't help but think whether some of them are 40 year old predators. There are media experts and bloggers that spend months and years gaining that amount of followers and there she is just doing her thing, being a teenager. I was nearly at the point of asking her to show me her ways!
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My everyday diet consists of a largely gluten free lifestyle, including lots of raw fruits and vegetables, and lean protein. When I eat something fattening such as a piece of fudge or an entire packet of salt and vinegar chips (more often than I care to admit), I feel like my choices are to become obese overnight, or run around the block twice.
When you are a teenager, you don't really care about what you put in your mouth. It is food, it tastes good, therefore I shall eat it. I saw a shameful photo the other day of me on a high school trip. I was sitting with a group of my friends around a pile of sweets large enough to induce type 2 diabetes in one hour. It made me yearn for the days of fast-metabolisms, cellulite free legs and skin-tight clothing. That is one thing I will always miss...sigh.
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I recently gave a teenage family member a gift card for her birthday, and then I regretfully advised her as soon as she opened it, 'Now don't go spend it all at once!'. As soon as this slipped out of my mouth I thought 'Can you hear yourself Sarah? You sound like your grandmother! Responsibility and budgeting and having a job changes you into someone you never thought you would be so soon in your life- an adult.
I have decided that that is just fine with me, because it is way better than being a 23 year old unemployed 'teenager' who binge drinks, listens to drum and bass while eating McDonalds left overs and tells boyfriend number 15 how she 'just can't deal'. Adult OUT. x
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