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I like to think of myself as quite a laid-back person who doesn't sweat the small stuff, but I'm sure I am right in saying that we all have those things that just send us over the edge. There are some irritations that us humans cannot avoid (#trafficjams) and others brought on by people who have trouble with simple daily activities, affecting everyone around them with their arrogance or stupidity. I would like to think of this ranting post as a way of telling those people out there to just stop doing any of these things-I beg you!
Traffic Circles
Okay lets get real here with the drivers and car owners of the world. We all attended driving lessons, we all got our licences (some more legit than others) and we should all know the rules of the road. Why then, do so many people not know how to use a traffic circle??
I have to go through a traffic circle everyday on the way to and from work, and I cannot tell you how many times I have boiled over with rage because some person in the outside lane decided they wanted to carry on all the way around a circle like they are at an amusement park or a go-kart track. Either they are lost, confused, or they just don't care. In the words of Nicole Richie "No one is too cool for rules". If you are one of these people and you are still not certain, here is a simple diagram:
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| Image from tech4law.com |
No Name Brand
How is it that I have met you at least three times around a similar group of mutual friends and I know your name, but my name, however, has evaporated from your brain? Even more irritating is when the person in question actually introduces themselves to you all over again. Um, hello, I know exactly who you are because we met 6 months ago, and 2 months ago, and last Friday! Follow the bouncing balls: My name is Sarah.
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Direct Orders
DO NOT tell me to 'calm down' unless there is a devastating natural disaster heading towards us or something to that effect. If we are having a heated argument and you tell me to calm down, I will thereafter continue to do the exact opposite. I was at about a 4 or 5 on the angry scale, and now you have just unnecessarily made me go to 10.
Yes, I have a louder than average voice but no, I am not a child in a classroom or a character in an episode of Lost. DO NOT tell me to 'keep quiet'. It is rude and blunt, and I will either lose track of what I was saying or stop talking on purpose.
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Fire Starters
Ladies, we all know how we love a bit of juicy gossip and we readily admit it. What gets me going from zero to Samuel L Jackson is individuals who make it their life's mission to talk about other people behind their backs, and seem to get a kick out of others misfortunes. This is actually a known disease called Schadenfreude- look it up.
THE WORST is when they hear a bit of gossip, and then add their own spices, completely adapting the original gossip. Stick to your sources people, because I will inevitably find out that he did not leave her to be with her sister after the sister admitted that she was pregnant with his baby. They just had an argument because he didn't put the toilet seat down. Is your life so boring? Grow up, this isn't an episode of Jerseylicious.
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Facebook Notifications
I used to get a lil warm feeling of joy in my heart when I saw I had a Facebook notification. Maybe someone left a sweet message on my wall or uploaded a cool photo of me from the weekend, or left a compliment on said photo. These days Facebook notifications have been tarnished with event invites that I will never attend, candy crush updates and a request to like your Hunger Games fan page. Facebook is like that weird person that you were friendly to one time and now they wont leave you alone.
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Fussy Eaters
I like nuts, and I like pudding, but I do not like nuts inside pudding (or nutty chocolate, or nutty cereal etc...). I will therefore steer clear of the above when I am eating out or grocery shopping. That is about as fussy as I get. When I go to a restaurant with someone and they choose a meal but pick apart the majority of the ingredients and ask for them to be swapped for something else, a little part of me dies inside.
Why don't you either choose a meal that does have all the foods that you like to eat, or go to KFC drive through because that is seriously not okay. As an ex waitress I know that certain meals are pre-cooked or there is a set procedure. Unless you have a genuine food allergy, just find one thing on the menu you don't have to substitute for goodness sake.
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Lingerers
The popular term coined by none other than James Franco and Seth Rogen, 'lingerers' just need to stop lingering! It is an extremely difficult feat to avoid or get rid of lingerers without coming off too harsh, so consider this post a cry for help.
If I am having a conversation with someone over lunch, don't listen in on us from the other table (I can feel you watching me). If you have arrived for a quick visit and end up staying for hours when I have things to do, can you really not tell that I am agitated and busy and you should go home? Don't read over my shoulder, don't follow me around at a function (or anywhere else if I'm honest, you're not a hungry dog) and for heavens sake please don't interrupt me when I am pouring my heart out to someone in a private conservation.
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Bad Spelling and Grammar
This could be an irrational annoyance that only affects me (both physically and emotionally), but there should be a special place reserved on a deserted island for people that can't spell properly or use correct grammar. Yes we all slip up every now and then thanks to typing too fast or spell check (correct use of too and to- take note), but people who carelessly send misspelt messages and shorten everything unnecessarily just look like they didn't finish high school.
I try to stop myself from adding a *their or a *you're to such mistakes, but then I realise that they probably wont even know what I'm correcting in the first place. Unless English is NOT your first language that you have been speaking since birth, you have no excuse I'm afraid.
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Lazy Mofo's
Lazy people, this one is for you. Don't ask me to pass you the remote control if its closer to you than me, and don't ask me to make you a cup of coffee (for the 3rd time that day) just because I'm standing by the kettle.You have two hands and two legs just like I do, the only difference is that you are lazy as hell or you are used to having other people do things for you all the time.
Unless you are unknowingly descended from royalty... get off your ass. This includes slow street/mall walkers with no ambition- you know who you are! Pick up the pace by all means, I don't have the excess energy to find a gap to get past you so that I can carry on living my life.
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Complainers
Those who constantly complain about everything all the time, how do you not grow tired of your own whiny voice? People who complain about the lack of cell phone reception when you go somewhere remote, or complain about water tasting weird at someone else's house (seriously, who are you?), or complain about the service at a busy restaurant. Jesus take the wheel! I could go on, but I can already feel my temperature rising. Do us all a favour and stay at home rather.
Lets not forget the hypochondriacs with their exaggerated injuries and fake illnesses. I managed to attend work with food poisoning ravaging my insides, I think you can handle a sore throat or a runny nose. Cry me a river. x
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